The Justice League Watchtower Rules
by Domino5555
Summary: At the request of Superman, all members of the Justice League, Teen Titans, and Young Justice (plus any anti-heroes such as Red Hood and Catwoman) are to obey these rules on the Watchtower. No exceptions. This means you, Batman. (Warning: Strong T ahead. You have been warned.) Also strongly inspired by the 501st List by I-Don't-Have-A-Name123. CANCELLED
1. Rules 1-20

Hello, everybody! This is the first fanfiction I've written in a long while. This will be a Watchtower Rule list in DC, somewhat based on "The 501st List" by I-Don't-Have-A-Name123. Go check it out!

* * *

 **At the request of Superman, all members of the Justice League, Teen Titans, and Young Justice (plus any anti-heroes such as Red Hood and Catwoman) are to obey these rules on the Watchtower. No exceptions. This means you, Batman.**

1) The League is no longer allowed to place bets on which superhero should be paired with romantically. I think we all remember what happened when a certain somebody got on the list. I'm not going to list any names. – Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

 _(Below this, someone scrawled the word "Batman" in parenthesis.)_

2) Please do not try flirting with Supergirl. She may be young and pretty, but hitting on her is a good way to find your ass kicked from one side of the Watchtower to the other. Not to mention two weeks time in the brig. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

2a) She didn't seem to mind making out with you after giving a speech of being good teammates. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

2b) I was not flirting with her, so I at least didn't get a black eye like you, Wally. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

2c) How am I going to procreate with the Girl of Steel then? – Kid Flash (Wally West)

2d) It's probably for the best that you don't try bothering. By the way, don't you have at least three other girlfriends? – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

 _(Superman was relieved when this rule came up.)_

3) Going back to Rule #1 here, it is generally not a good idea to try to get Catwoman to kiss Batman, especially in the presence of Wonder Woman. – Red Hood (Jason Todd)

3a) Agreed, Jason. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to try to get a catfight between those two ladies. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

3b) Really, the destroyed hangar after the betting disaster wasn't enough to tip you off? – Robin (Tim Drake)

4) Never, under any circumstances, let Batman cook any meals on the Watchtower. Can't believe I was desperate enough for an Xbox One X. – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

 _(A few people were curious over Hal's sudden acquisition of the most powerful gaming console as of 2017. They aren't now.)_

5) From now on, all Twilight novels and movies are banned from the Watchtower. I think this rule is self-explanatory. – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

 _(All were relieved when this rule appeared.)_

6) Following the brawl between Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner regarding multiplayer in Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, all public matches of multiplayer games are now banned. These include but are not limited to: Call of Duty, Injustice, Mortal Kombat, Marvel vs Capcom, Grand Theft Auto Online, Battlefield, Destiny, Titanfall, Overwatch, Halo, and Star Wars Battlefront. – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

6a) I told you that we shouldn't have let Guy join the Justice League! – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

6b) I'm going to kick your ass next time! – Green Lantern (Guy Gardner)

 _(Those who were hoping for a petty jab at Infinite Warfare were quickly disappointed when it was revealed that they had fights after Battlefield 1 and Titanfall 2.)_

7) Ordering personal requisitions for your personal quarters is fine, and frankly welcome, as we try to maintain a home away from home. Using my bank account to order a hot tub for you and your girlfriends to enjoy is not, Wally. You're severely testing my patience. Don't cross the line. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

7a) Better yet, how the hell was he able to install it in his room? – Red Arrow (Roy Harper)

7b) I'm more curious over how he was able to get Jinx, Linda, and Artemis in the same room without them killing themselves. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

7c) Don't you have a love triangle of your own to solve? – Kid Flash (Wally West)

7d) He does have a point about Batgirl and Starfire. – Red Hood (Jason Todd)

7e) This isn't over. – Cyborg (Victor Stone)

 _(Batman put an end to the nonsense by blocking them from the rule list.)_

8) Black Canary, I know you and Green Arrow are soulmates, but can you please regulate your screaming when the two of you are fornicating? – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

8a) I don't know. I kind of like a pretty bird like her emitting sonic waves when she is- ow! That hurt! – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

8b) You don't need to tell people what our love-life is like. – Black Canary (Dinah Laurel Lance)

9) Playing music while off-duty is okay. However, rigging the loudspeakers to play Justin Bieber and/or Miley Cyrus music on a loop for six hours is not. I'm not even telling you fools the punishment. I'll let you imagine it. I promise you, though, it will be ten times worse. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Batman's smile when he posted the rule was the second-scariest thing anyone had ever seen. His insane laughter was the first. For once, he actually managed to scare Wally.)_

10) No pranking journalists by the names of Lois Lane or Vicki Vale when they are onboard for… interviews with Superman or Batman. That means you, Wally. I'm getting a little worried about you frankly. – Flash (Barry Allen)

 _(Wally took no heed to this warning, and tricked Vicki into making out with Batman while Wonder Woman was in the same room. Diana ended up breaking Wally's leg for a week.)_

11) Following the multitude of incidents caused by one Kid Flash, I have decided with Kal-El and J'onn J'onzz to revoke Wally's sugar privileges, as he is already a nightmare for all of us without stimulants. Or is he? – Aquaman (Orin/Arthur Curry)

11a) Do not [EXPLETIVE DELETED] accuse me of supplying drugs to him! I've been off heroin for a long while, and I have not shown a need to re-enter rehabilitation. – Red Arrow (Roy Harper)

11b) At least you have permanently gotten off the drugs. – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

 _(Wally, showing a growing amount of stupidity, decided to seal his hoard of cookies, cake, and ice cream, from future inspections.)_

12) I can't believe that I am saying this to Zatanna, of all people, but please do not send me any nude photos of yourself. I know we were more than "just friends" back in the day, but that time is over. Even if you want to rekindle that relationship, sending me pictures of yourself naked is certainly not the way to do so. I am curious, though, as to how you were able to put "I HEART Batman" on your chest. That was quite innovative. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

12a) If you're really interested, you can see me in my quarters, tonight. – Zatanna

12b) Sorry, but no. Although, it would be amusing to see you and Diana to get in a catfight. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

12c) More like the opportunity for you and Barry to catch Wally… masturbating watching us fight. – Zatanna

12d) I heard that! – Kid Flash (Wally West)

12e) Frankly, Wally, you deserve to get called out on your sexual addiction. You clearly need some help, man. You can get it here. We can help you. All you need to do is ask. – Red Arrow (Roy Harper)

13) Going back to Rule #5, additional movies that are banned include the following: the Transformers movies from the second film onwards (the first film is alright, but Revenge of the Fallen is an absolute crime against art. Dark of the Moon was somewhat of an improvement, but it was too little, too late. Plus Age of Extinction and The Last Knight? Forget it, there's no hope for Michael Bay anymore), ALL Fantastic Four movies (though the 2015 one makes the first two look like Oscar material by comparison), the third and fourth Superman films with Christopher Reeve (people who think that Superman killing Zod in Man of Steel ruined Superman obviously didn't watch these films), the Batman films with Val Kilmer and George Clooney (you're welcome, Bruce. At least people won't think of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice as your worst movie), The Star Wars Holiday Special (it makes The Phantom Menace look like Citizen Kane, tbh), the Alien vs Predator films (God, those films sucked), Dragonball Evolution (I'd sooner watch Transformers 2 than this crap. That is how bad Dragonball Evolution is), The Last Airbender (seriously, this movie shouldn't have even existed), Green Lantern (an awful representation of myself. At least Ryan Reynolds knows how to do Deadpool right. It only took him like seven years), Battleship (such an obvious Transformers rip-off, not even having Liam Neeson could save this dud), the G.I. Joe film series (except for maybe Retaliation, if only because of Dwayne Johnson and Bruce Willis), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise (though, at least I know that Bay wasn't behind the alien idea. In fact, he rejected that idea, probably from his experience with the Transformers movies), the remainder of Bay's filmography (except for The Rock, Armageddon, and 13 Hours), Alien 3 and Alien: Resurrection (Prometheus and Alien: Covenant are okay, thanks to Michael Fassbender), Rocky V (I can't even enjoy that [EXPLETIVE DELETED] in an ironic way), any Terminator films after Terminator 2: Judgment Day (not even the Governator could elevate Genysis), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (honestly, any Star Trek film is better than Star Trek V), the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot (I refuse to explain why, because I don't want to cause an angry Internet rant thread here. If you're looking for that, look no further than the comments section of the Ghostbusters trailer on YouTube), Batman: The Killing Joke (at least until we can permanently remove the prologue. God, that sex scene created greater crimes against art than Michael Bay and the writers of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Like how the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] did Bruce Timm manage to do that? Protection from editors, I guess. I guess we should be fortunate that Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill give the same dignity to their characters as they always do), Battlefield Earth (Jesus, this is not how you use your momentum from Pulp Fiction, John Travolta!) and anything related to Fifty Shades of Grey (it's an even worse love story, if you can even call it a love story, than Twilight. Stop making these awful pornographic films disguised as dramas!) – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

14) This was briefly touched upon in Rule #12, but it bears repeating: contrary to what Batman believes, romantic relationships are okay. Sending nude photos or sex tapes between partners are not. Cyborg has intercepted at least a dozen obscene messages between Green Arrow and Black Canary, Question and Huntress, Nightwing and Starfire (rumors of a threesome involving them and Batgirl have been evidently disproved, thankfully), and disturbingly enough, Kid Flash with Linda Park, Artemis Crock, and Jinx. The private communications network has been disabled as a result of this. Fix the situation, now. – Red Hood (Jason Todd)

 _(Most of the League was surprisingly willing to abide by this rule, with the exception of, obviously, Wally. If anything, the amount of inappropriate content sent between him and his girlfriends increased as a result, much to the anger of Batman.)_

15) Who the hell sabotaged the coffee machine in the cafeteria? The damn thing blew up in my fricking face! When I find out who did this, what Diana did to Kid Flash for tricking Miss Vale into making out with me will be nothing compared to what I shall do. NOTHING! – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(No one would go near Batman for days, except for Diana. That certainly didn't help the rumors about the two.)_

16) Related to private gaming, there has been a dramatic reduce in funds for video games due to a multitude of microtransactions being bought. First, I hate pay-to-win tactics. Second, Batman is going to be pissed when he finds out that Wally has been trolling him again. And third, the evil video game companies are going to profit from these [EXPLETIVE DELETED] loot boxes! No more microtransactions, OK, guys? We can't left industry juggernauts like Evil Associations- I mean, Electronic Arts from profiting from these pay to win tactics! – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

16a) Yes, that includes the stuff from WB, like Injustice 2 (Really, a fighting game with Superman as a villain? Clark is my best friend, for Christ's sake) and Middle-earth: Shadow of War (War chests in a primarily single player game? What are game publishers coming to?) – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Within the day, everyone had agreed to the ban of microtransactions, even Wally, oddly enough. Bruce and Barry are currently investigating Wally's motives.)_

17) Following the arrival of the more level-headed John Stewart from the Green Lantern Corps, we are now allowing access to public multiplayer matches when you are playing video games in the Watchtower. Please do not make us revoke this privilege a second time. – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

 _(Everyone, even the girls, were relieved then Rule #6 was finally revoked. Now Batman plays with Green Arrow, Superman, and Aquaman on Nazi Zombies in Call of Duty: WWII. Meanwhile, Hal and Guy have thankfully reached an agreement and truce on Halo 5: Guardians.)_

18) Due to the sudden unexpected pregnancies of Linda Park, Artemis Crock, and Jinx, we are now issuing condoms to regulate sexual activity. I am hoping that this doesn't happen again, Wally West. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

18a) Plus, during my study of humans, I have found that unprotected sex has often led to what your kind refer to as "Sexually Transmitted Diseases". – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

 _(Wally was quick to hoard a supply of condoms, prompting a limit of how many can be issued per person.)_

19) This rule really applies on missions, but you really need to stop sending me on missions with at least two females. Remember the potential cat fight I predicted between Wonder Woman and Zatanna? I am really glad that Kid Flash was not with us on this mission. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

20) This is going to be the last rule for awhile, but I don't want Batgirl to organize a girl's group with Catwoman, Black Canary, and Huntress. Because I'm pretty sure that even though Dinah and Helena are in dedicated relationships, there is always the chance that a fight will break out between the three over romantic feelings for me. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

20a) Sorry, boss. This will never happen again. At least, not under my control. – Batgirl (Barbara Gordon)

* * *

Phew. I hope this is better than any fanfiction I ever wrote before.


	2. Domino5555 PSA 1

**Hello, everyone! Domino5555 here! Today, I am not uploading the next twenty rules like of you were hoping. Rather, I am here to ask you which rules that you look like added by Thanksgiving. Please post your suggestions in the review section for Chapter Two, or use the Private Messaging option to send me your ideas. Either way, the deadline is November 20th, as I will need time to write the rules down. Thank you for being a kind community, and have a good day!**


	3. Rules 21-40

**Judging from the highly positive feedback I've received since uploading this story, I am guessing that my comeback is a resounding success! Thank you guys for sticking with me, and as a reward, you shall get the next twenty rules over a week early! It's not easy being one guy who publishes fanfiction in his spare time. Anyway, here are the next twenty rules on the Watchtower!**

* * *

21) This morning, I found out that after Diana finished sparring with me in the training room, Kid Flash had sneaked into the women's shower room. He not only saw her completely wet and naked, but took various photos of her nude with his iPhone X. Do not try to take an opportunity to see Wonder Woman in the nude. You will only make this more painful for yourself. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

21a) Not to mention, Batman taught me that it goes against etiquette for a male to go into a restroom for the opposite gender. - Wonder Woman (Princess Diana/Diana Prince)

21b) Wally, you are grounded from your phone for the next month. Am I understood? - Flash (Barry Allen)

21c) No need to worry. I destroyed your nephew's phone. But make sure that he doesn't get another one in that time frame. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

( _For that next month, there was a distinct lack of activity done by Kid Flash, besides saving the day. No doubt he finally learned a lesson.)_

22) Destroying the computers after Batman: Arkham Knight has crashed repeatedly is not the way to deal with a PC porting disaster. Playing it on a PlayStation 4 or Xbox One is. Join the club, Guy. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

22a) I don't get it. How come that Bruce's computers that are so advanced that they can run Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare (which had an even worse PC port) flawlessly, when the final chapter in his Batman: Arkham series isn't even able to run? - Green Lantern (Guy Gardner)

22b) Five bucks says that it's Wally. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

22c) You're on, brother. - Green Lantern (Guy Gardner)

 _(It wasn't Wally. Now Guy Gardner is five dollars richer.)_

23) Asking either Batman, Batgirl, or Nightwing on how the latter two broke up is generally not a good idea. Especially when Starfire is present. - Robin (Tim Drake)

23a) I think it started back when he was in the Teen Titans as Robin, but that's all I know. - Red Hood (Jason Todd)

 _(The truth is that while Barbara and Dick were dating, he had left Gotham to join the Teen Titans to fight crime on a worldwide scale. During his five-year adventure, he had cheated on Barbara with Starfire. When Bruce found out, he and Dick had a big argument, which resulted in him leaving the title of Robin and becoming Nightwing. Of course, Barbara wasn't entirely innocent, either, as she began to struggle with an infatuation over Batman, which the latter thankfully rejected. **A/N: Yeah, I know that Bruce giving Dick shade about cheating on his girlfriend seems a little hypocritical, but later on, it will be explained that Bruce had hoped for Dick to become a better man than him, and that included the element of womanizing.** )_

24) From now on, when couples are going to bed in personal quarters, please be sure to lock your doors. I had entered Superboy's quarters because I was hoping to raise his self-esteem. But apparently, I didn't need to do that, as making love with Miss Martian seemed to do that for him just fine. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

24a) You could have knocked! After all, you came in as a surprise. - Superboy (Kon-El/Conner Kent)

24b) I realize that, and I am still sorry. We'll both have to do better, next time. By the way, me and J'onn approve of your relationship with M'gann. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

24c) Thanks, Superman! - Miss Martian (M'gann Mor'zz/Megan Morse)

25) Don't talk about Batman's relationships in front of Wonder Woman, Zatanna, or Catwoman. In fact, don't talk about his relationships at all, period. The last time this much gossip erupted over who Batman was sleeping with, our hangar was obliterated. - Flash (Barry Allen)

25a) Thank you, Barry. And sorry, ladies. But we can not have a relationship. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Many hoped that this would be the sole thing that the women who loved Batman would agree on. They were wrong.)_

26) Don't ask who's the best superhero. We've grown so much, that it is absolutely petty to try to ignite a rivalry between me and Batman. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

26a) And I probably don't have to repeat this, but Clark is my best friend. Despite our occasional squabbles, we are truly the World's Finest. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

27) This is for all men, and bisexual girls. Don't ask if Wonder Woman, Troia, or Wonder Girl can take you to Themyscira to meet single chicks. I tried that with Troia, and all I got was a kick in the pants. - Kid Flash (Wally West)

27a) Wally's first suggestion is rejecting trying to find more women. That's a novel concept. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

27b) Shut up. You already have one Amazon lady chasing you. All you need to do is to invite her to your quarters and the two of you will create the best kids ever. - Kid Flash (Wally West)

27c) You're the one with three pregnant girlfriends right now. How is that going for you? - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Considering that Bruce had the last word, and Wally didn't have a response, it can be safely assumed that life sucked for Wally.)_

28) Uncle J'onn's Oreos keep getting stolen. While he is a nice man (or Martian, I guess), there is a saying that you should beware the nice ones. So, it's not a good idea to keep taking his cookies. - Miss Martian (M'gann M'orzz/Megan Morse)

29) Don't help the following in pursuing a relationship with Batman: Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Zatanna, or Talia al Ghul. Can't believe I was dumb enough to try and persuade them into doing suggestive poses in bikinis, and then send them to Batman. - Kid Flash (Wally West)

29a) If there's anything good that came out of this incident, it's what color swimsuit you wear. I knew that Diana wore red, and Zatanna dark blue, but I am rather surprised that Talia had pink and Selina white. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

29b) Really, that's what you were curious about? - Kid Flash (Wally West)

29c) I believe that it was because I had already seen them naked, and thus that made me curious over what color their swimwear was. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

30) No drinking is allowed in the Watchtower, Hall of Justice, and Mt. Justice, or while on duty. Our public relations record is at an all-time low right now. We don't need drunk superheroes to damage our reputation further. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

31) The following will stop taking Batman in secluded areas for "private meeting": Wonder Woman, Catwoman, and Zatanna. The custodian crew is still cleaning up the mess at the last place he and Diana were fornicating at. It was a good thing that he had condoms in his utility belt. - Red Hood (Jason Todd)

31a) Yeah, about that, why is it that you of all people are equipped with those things? - Kid Flash (Wally West)

31b) Because when I have sexual encounters on missions, they are often one-night stands, and not dedicated relationships. Let's just say I learned that from experience. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Shortly after this rule was posted, people started wondering who was the girl who took Batman's virginity, though they were wise enough not to discuss such thoughts in public._

32) Stop using the excuse of "I need to go save the world" or "save the universe" just to get out of the monthly mandatory meeting. We know they're boring but they're held once a month so just suck it up. That goes double for Wally and surprisingly Batman, and don't use the "Gotham" excuse. - Green Lantern (John Stewart)

33) Don't invite Batman, or Green Arrow, to dinner and leave him to pay for the meal. Not pointing fingers. *cough* Superman *cough* Hal Jordan *cough* Wally West *cough*. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

34) Don't ask Batman who's his favorite "son"/"daughter" is while his sidekicks are around him. I don't even think I need to explain this one. - Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

34a) I believe that an update is to be made here. - Talia al Ghul

34b) Talia! How did you get up here? - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

34c) I believe I am what Superman would call an "anti-heroine", beloved, and thus are bound by these rules. But that's beside the point. I would like to introduce you to our son. - Talia al Ghul

34d) Son? - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Diana, Selina, and Zatanna decided to join this revelation, to figure out who Bruce's son was: a moody 13-year old named Damian, who was conceived shortly after Bruce first met Ra's al Ghul and Talia. What was rather interesting is that Bruce, whose girlfriend was one Rachel Dawes, had cheated on Rachel with Talia, and the union produced Damian. When asked who Rachel was, Bruce grew uncharacteristically silent and somber, as he tried to keep tears in over his failure to save her from the Joker. When he failed, everyone realized that the real reason he was unable to stay committed to romantic relationships was that he was afraid of his heart utterly breaking a second time, a feeling that he covered with a constant coldness. The four women decided that what Bruce needed most of all was a hug.)_

35) Catwoman, I know you're trying to make Batman feel better, but joining Black Canary and Huntress in song to praise Batman's sexual prowess at the expense of the League is not the best way. Not only does it risk raising Batman's ego, but you're putting down the rest of the League. I've got to say, though, your "Birds of Prey" single is fabulous. - Batgirl (Barbara Gordon)

35a) You agree with those statements?! - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

35b) Don't be silly, Nightwing. I outgrew that on him crush long ago. - Batgirl (Barbara Gordon)

35c) Thank god. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

35d) Thank you, Helena, for not claiming my [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is small. Or QUESTIONING my sexuality. - Question (Victor Sage)

35e) At least mine stood up for me. - Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

36) No arguments over whether or not animated shows that aren't on Fox, Adult Swim, or Comedy Central are considered for kids. This animation age ghetto is frankly quite childish. Besides, many of DC's best products have been cartoons, such as the DC Animated Universe, Teen Titans, and Young Justice. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

36a) But when that piece of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] called Teen Titans Go! comes on, you know that you have to restrain yourself from strangling the Cartoon Network executives. - Cyborg (Victor Stone)

36b) Don't remind me, Cyborg. You'll only give the animation haters fuel. If you want more animated action shows that aren't strictly for kids, go watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Star Wars Rebels, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and The Legend of Korra. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

37) Who the hell decided to have the water in the swimming pool to instantly disintegrate clothing? That was not cool. Me and Dinah weren't even trying to skinny dip, but the moment we entered the water, our swimwear was vaporized. - Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

37a) Probably the same person who wants Batman to get laid. - Red Hood (Jason Todd)

37b) Well, they shouldn't worry about it, as he evidently did so years ago. The existence of Damian Wayne proves it. - Robin (Tim Drake)

38) Please do not get Shayera Hol or Mari McCabe in the same room, as they are currently in a dispute over romantic interests in John Stewart. - Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

39) Wally, while I dislike your violation of Rule 7, I must thank you for the addition of a Jacuzzi to every personal dormitory that holds a romantic couple in the Watchtower. Therefore, I think that it is revoked. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

39a) No problem. My girls are off morning sickness, so now I suppose it's time to call in favors for food for their unborn kids. - Kid Flash (Wally West)

39b) Admit it. You want Batman to find true love. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

39c) I suppose that's the case. Poor guy does need a hug. - Kid Flash (Wally West)

 _(Bruce was very touched by this comment, so much so, that he forgave Wally for his many transgressions.)_

40) Wally, I know that your girlfriends need the food, but you don't need to keep a hoard of that much food for their use. We can find a way to feed them easily. - Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

* * *

 **I've got some bad news, and some good news. I'll start with the bad news, first, as this will lead into the good news. I won't be able to work on any more rules until after 2017. The good news is that in the meantime, I'll be working on a series of one-shots that chronicle how these rules came into being. (Slightly bad news for anyone under the age of 16: it will likely be rated M, for obvious reasons.) I hope for them to be released by Christmas.**

 **Rule #21 comes from LOTSLover, and rules 25-34 come from Tek-Knight. Thank you guys for these ideas.**


	4. Rules 41-70

**Guys, I know that I promised one-shots of how the rules came to be this Christmas, but ultimately, I came to the epiphany that I shouldn't make one-shots just yet, because I don't want to restrict continuity on my rule list. To make it up to you, I've decided to give you more of what you already love: more rules for the Watchtower! And just because I'm such a nice guy. I'm going to add thirty rules, instead of just twenty! Merry Christmas to all, or happy Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah, or whatever you celebrate on the winter holidays. Either way, I hope you enjoy this! (P.S. Getting the file saved from my school laptop crashing was insane, but I did it.)**

* * *

41) Girls, I'm sorry to say this, but Titanic is now banned from the Watchtower. Not because it's bad. In fact, its miles above the remainder of banned films, but rather because too much of our paper material is wasted as tissues. (For what it's worth, it's still a better love story than Twilight.) That and the fact that Bruce caught Wally fantasizing over the nude painting scene. – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

 _(While the female population was none too pleased about Titanic being banned, they were at least accepting of the reason for it being banned.)_

42) Arguments on which actor played Batman the best are now banned, though I will agree that Clooney was the worst. – Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

42a) And on that note, if you want to hate the DCEU, that's fine... more power to you, but God help you if you are stupid enough to attack Ben Affleck's performance as Batman. If you do, then you're gonna get [EXPLETIVE DELETED] in the ass and rightfully so! The moment the Razzies nominated him for Worst Actor is the exact moment they lost credibility! – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

42b) No, correction: the Razzies lost credibility when they nominated Stanley Kubrick for Worst Director! – Green Lantern (John Stewart)

42c) Gentlemen, the point is that there is to be no badmouthing of Ben Affleck's portrayal of me. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

43) Due to the pay-to-win progression system and controversy over the microtransactions, the League has decided to participate in the boycott on Star Wars Battlefront II. Look at Angry Joe's review for specifics on YouTube. (I'd offer a link, but unfortunately I am unable to post it here.) – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

 _(As a further screw you to Electronic Arts, the Watchtower is refusing to buy or play any games published by EA, ranging from Mass Effect and Dragon Age to Battlefield and Titanfall.)_

44) No one is allowed to give Batman any wine while in the presence of women. I think he tried to grope my breast. Shame on you, Bruce! And shame on you, Hal Jordan, for giving him wine as a prank. – Black Canary (Dinah Laurel Lance)

44a) That's right. No one touches my pretty bird except me, and even then, I restrain myself until she gives her approval. – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

44b) For once, I'm with you on this. And before anyone gives me [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about my addiction, I'm working on fixing it. In fact, I'm taking therapy classes. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

44c) That didn't work for Bruce, so I'm not sure if it will work for you. – Green Lantern (Guy Gardner)

44d) I think you're making Batman want to one-punch you. – Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes)

 _(Before Batman knocked out Guy Gardner, he was forced to make a public apology to every female for his drunken and perverted behavior.)_

45) Please do not try to pair Clark with anyone besides Lois Lane. It's not only stupid, but it hurts his feelings considering how devoted he is to her. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

45a) And I am kind of shocked to find myself and Kal in romantic art, when our friendship is strictly platonic. – Wonder Woman (Princess Diana/Diana Prince)

46) Aquaman, please do not wreck the cafeteria just because it serves seafood. Getting something else to eat is fine. Throwing a temper tantrum is not. – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

 _(People who kept mocking Aquaman for his powers of talking to fish were quickly surprised by his outrageous rampage in the dining commons.)_

47) Whoever spread that rumor that Bruce was having a fivesome with Diana, Selina, Talia, and Zatanna really needs to own up. I know for a Goddamn fact that he has standards regarding sexual activity even for such a playboy. – Red Hood (Jason Todd)

 _(Regardless of who started the rumor, Wally West is innocent, as he and Batman are on far better terms than before. Barry has narrowed it down to a loser on the internet called Domino5555, who lives in his parents' attic and seriously needs to get a life.)_

48) Teen Titans Go! has now been banned from the Watchtower as it is unanimously agreed that it is one of the worst things to come under the DC brand. Not to mention, it is part of the reason why good cartoons are starting to die out and why it took so long for Young Justice to be revived. Should I also mention that it caused Beware the Batman to get screwed over by Cartoon Network? – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

 _(Unsurprisingly, the entire population of the Watchtower agreed to the ban. They even burned any merchandise related to Teen Titans Go! as support for its cancellation. Unfortunately, the morons at Cartoon Network refuse to listen to reason. Either that, or the leadership lacks brains.)_

49) The private communications network is now off limits for Huntress and Question. You are not supposed to use it for phone sex. Fix this situation, now. – Cyborg (Victor Stone)

50) Couples are now no longer allowed to make out on monitor duty. I'm looking at you, John and Shayera. Do you know how long it took Batman to fix those broken computers or to clean that lubricated machinery? – Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

51) No more contests on who can do the best Batman impression. This is a given for the guys, but when I was eavesdropping on Lois's baby shower, I could have sworn that Shayera did her best Christian Bale Batman voice. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

51a) And what were you doing at the baby shower? – Hawkgirl (Shayera Hol)

51b) You know me... listening for gossip. Have to make sure that I'm not being talked about. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

51c) Well, I can assure you that no one has been gossiping about you so far. I'm actually surprised by that. – Hawkgirl (Shayera Hol)

51d) Yeah, I sort of figured that part out. No, I did not have your impersonation recorded. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

51e) That's good to know. Otherwise, I would ram my mace straight up your ass. – Hawkgirl (Shayera Hol)

51f) A little bloodthirsty, aren't we? – Kid Flash (Wally West)

52) I don't know what demon possessed Nightwing to do such a thing but the guys are not allowed to steal clothes from the female locker room. I don't care if Wally gave you a thousand dollars. Taking my and Starfire's clothes while we're in the showers isn't the way for you to have a threesome. – Batgirl (Barbara Gordon)

52a) It wasn't Wally and I refuse to tell you who convinced me to take your clothes. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

52b) Thanks for not using me as a scapegoat! – Kid Flash (Wally West)

 _(To this day, people still wonder who convinced Dick Grayson to steal Barbara and Kory's clothes. Some still think that it was Wally.)_

53) Childish games such as "Tag", "Hide and Seek", and "Spin the Bottle" are now forbidden on the Watchtower. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

53a) You're just mad that you had to kiss Selina in front of everyone. – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

54) Remember what I said about playing Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus music on the PA system on the Watchtower? Well, that ban has just expanded to Karaoke, jokes, and sports scores. I don't care how much you like playing New Divide by Linkin Park (truth be told, I still miss Chester), but the PA system is to be used for matters concerning the League only. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

54a) I didn't know that you were a fan of Linkin Park, Bruce. – Flash (Barry Allen)

54b) There are a lot of things that people don't know about me. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

54c) Here's another secret: he enjoys lovemaking while listening to- – Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

54d) No. No. Shut up. Shut up. – Zatanna

54e) Yes, I am going to reveal it. He enjoys lovemaking while listening to "Can You Feel the Love Tonight". – Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

54f) Selina? Seriously? Girl, not cool. – Zatanna

 _(Many were surprised that Batman had such hidden depths, and this caused his female fanbase to increase virally. Bruce was not amused.)_

55) Guys, I know that you love pizza, and I love the smell of Pizza Hut in the Watchtower myself, but we really need to set a limit on how much money we spend whenever we order pizza. Clark and I have decided that there should be a limit of up to $100 per order. No, that does not mean that everyone can order that amount of food individually, though I admire your creativity. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

55a) I understand, buddy. And I'll make sure that my Halo parties don't get out of control. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

55b) You're abandoning Call of Duty? – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

55c) Why not? I'm getting tired of the same repetition over and over, and we've unofficially banned EA's shooters. Besides, every Halo game up to Halo 5 had split-screen and 343 is returning it in Halo 6. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

55d) You realize that they initially said that they would have split-screen in Halo 5, but they went back on their word? So, what's to say that Halo 6 will be guaranteed to have split-screen? – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

55e) If they don't keep their promise, I will lose all hope for the future. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

55f) Don't worry about the future. I gave up on it years ago. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

55g) That would explain a lot. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

 _(To cheer up Batman, Wally invited him to play some Halo 4 on the Xbox One. They enjoyed playing the game, in addition to ordering Pizza Hut, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, and Doritos.)_

56) Brucie, I know that you were eating Doritos last night, but you couldn't have brushed your teeth before I made out with you? – Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

56a) I didn't have the chance to make it to my quarters to do so before you caught me. Perhaps you could have waited five minutes before kissing me. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

56b) Ah. Gotcha. – Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

 _(From this point forward, all the men made sure to have their toothbrushes and toothpaste on hand in the event that their lovers gave them a surprise kiss.)_

57) Hacking the TV screens to play footage of Fives' death is not permitted. I bet the person who did this knows how badly it affected the guys. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

57a) Yeah, what Titanic was for girls, the fourth episode of Clone Wars Season Six was for us guys. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

57b) Then maybe we should ban Star Wars: The Clone Wars or, more importantly, unban a previously banned film? – Zatanna

(Batman got the hint and unbanned Titanic much to the girls' relief.)

58) B'wana Beast, it has been mentioned before, but please leave Zatanna alone. She has clearly shown that she is not interested in you. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

58a) I think you're just jealous of the attention I give her. – B'wana Beast (Michael Maxwell)

58b) Wanna know a secret? He took my virginity long ago, so [EXPLETIVE DELETED] off. – Zatanna

 _(There was much lovemaking by Bruce and Zatanna in the former's quarters that night. And yes, they were listening to "Can You Feel the Love Tonight". They sent a sex tape to B'wana Beast and he got the message to [EXPLETIVE DELETED] off.)_

59) After watching Justice League: The Watchtower Paradox, Bruce and I have decided that it is a bad idea to change the past for selfish reasons. – Flash (Barry Allen)

59a) Not to mention, I severely dislike the concept of time travel unless it is absolutely necessary. So, Barry and Wally, only manipulate time as a last resort, not as a crutch. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

60) Roller-blading in the Watchtower is forbidden. Do I even need to elaborate? – Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

 _(The brig was full that day. None of the occupants cared.)_

61) Cyborg, we're all pissed at Ajit Pai and the FCC, especially after those morons disbanded net neutrality (and we all should know that it existed long before 2015), but I think reattaching the Binary Fusion Generator to destroy their headquarters is more than a little overkill. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

61a) Pretty soon, there will be no such thing as free speech on the internet anymore. – Cyborg (Victor Stone)

 _(Later that day, the FCC decided to reverse their stance on net neutrality following a visit from the Dark Knight.)_

62) Batman, we know that your singing is good. It's 25% of the reason for your large female fanbase. (In fact, several say that you're better than most artists today.) However, that does not mean that you can organize concerts, with your singing accompanied by your lovers. Please stop now. – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

 _(Batman didn't take the hint; the concerts continued, and nothing was done about it. Do you want to know why? BECAUSE HE'S BATMAN!)_

63) Ladies, the game of "Which Girl Can Give Batman a Boner" seriously needs to stop. I mean, we dress like sluts 24/7. We don't need to streak around the Watchtower in even less than that. – Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

63a) I find it ironic that you of all people are calling the female population out. BTW, your "Birds of Prey" single (which is currently the best-selling song of all time) got me the closest I've ever gotten to masturbating. I have one thing to say about that: good job. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Rule 63 didn't stop Batman's fangirls from trying to glomp him while nude, and so the League reluctantly decided to revoke this rule, as it was basically ineffective.)_

64) This should go without saying, but arguments based on race, religion, and culture are not allowed here. This is a secular and tolerant league and we are open to all heroes. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

65) Watching Arrow on the Watchtower is okay. Watching it when I'm in the room is not. They basically made me into The Dark Knight but with a bow and arrow. Then again, my origin was basically Batman with a bow and arrow. – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

65a) And on that note, I was so mad at how the CW decided that having you paired with Felicity was a good idea. – Black Canary (Dinah Laurel Lance)

66) Going on missions with me to the jungle does not give you an excuse to strip naked and swim in a waterfall in a blatant attempt to seduce me. I'm looking at you, Selina. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

66a) What can I say? After all, I am the one that has gotten the closest to having you masturbate. – Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

66b) Further proving my point. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

67) Bruce, you and Oliver didn't need to organize that wedding for me and Lois. While I do appreciate it, a simple ceremony in Smallville could have sufficed. – Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

67a) The Man of Tomorrow deserves the best of tomorrow even if it did drain supplies from Justice League operations. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

67b) Fair enough. – Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

 _(When news of how Bruce and Oliver funded Clark's wedding reached the rest of the League, they were glad at how Bruce was gradually moving away from being an asocial asshole.)_

68) Which asshole decided to hack the monitors to show footage of "No Russian" from Modern Warfare 2? I thought we were all too honorable to do such a heartless prank? – Flash (Barry Allen)

68a) We are. And it's probably the same asshole who hates Superman the most. Excuse me. I've got to make a visit to Metropolis. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Lex Luthor had a contorted jaw for the next week as a result, and he has decided not to play his hand like that again.)_

69) Making love in the shower is strictly forbidden. I'm looking at you, Bruce and Diana. – Green Lantern (John Stewart)

 _(Not too many people were surprised that they would do something so kinky.)_

70) Tabloids are also no longer allowed on the Watchtower. Does this really need to be explained? – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

 _(No, this does not. The one who spread the rumor of Batman's fivesome also shares a strong hatred of tabloids, having to resist the urge to tear every copy that he sees every time he's at the grocery store.)_

* * *

 **I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwanzaa. LOTSLOVER gave ideas for Rules 50-54, and DC Watchergirl gave me the idea of Rule 64. (Seriously, antisemitism, racism, homophobia, sexism, and anti-Islamism? I have no idea what term I would use. Either way, the actions of ISIS or Al Qaeda should not reflect the actions of Islam as a whole. Those terrorist groups are just a handful of violent extremists among a relatively peaceful religion. Fighting for universal love across the world is a worthy goal that I would fight for. You should too.) For Rule 65, it's amazing what happens when your little brother watches Arrow. My reaction is basically "Who are you and what did you do with the real Noah?" Also, thank you Ozai37 and LOTSlover for beta testing, especially the latter as she helped me listen to my better judgement. I'll have to pay both of you back in the future. I have no idea when my next set of rules will arrive, nor if I'll ever do my one-shots. But either way, we've had one hell of a time having fun with these rules. Please continue to give me more ideas for rules. We don't want this to become Call of Duty (i.e. Keeping the same jokes over and over).**


	5. Domino5555 PSA 2

**Hello, friends. Happy New Year's! Recently, I decided that I plan to ultimately have 300 rules by the time I'm finished with this fanfic. Not because I'm sick of it, on the contrary, I love it. But there is an unavoidable reality that all good things must come to an end. The good news for you, though, is that this means that you get to give me plenty of ideas for rules. I hope to have rules 71-90 out by Valentine's Day. I may even release it before then. If I do, then I will try to do a one-shot of one of the rules listed. I don't know which one just yet, but I do know that the one-shots will be released in anachronistic order, meaning that they won't be released in a chronological order. Either way, I wish all of you a Happy New Year!**


	6. Rules 71-107

**I told you guys that I would get this released by Valentine's Day, not exactly on Valentine's Day. Not only does this fourth set of rules come out more than a month earlier, but instead of twenty rules, you guys get thirty-seven. Special thanks to Tek-Knight for this set, as he gave me the idea for the majority of these rules, that it would be shorter to list the ones that weren't his. Yoshi3000 gave me the idea for rules 87 and 102. The rules that were entirely mine are 81, 91, 92, 97, 106, and 107.**

 ***WARNING* I understand that many of this fanfiction's fans ship Batman and Wonder Woman together, so as a warning in advance, let's just say he has had a history with more than just Diana, Selina, Talia, Rachel, and Zatanna. I feel that I may have dropped the ball in overemphasizing Batman's playboy behavior, so if I did, then I'm sorry. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rules, or if you don't like them, then I'm sorry for disappointing you.**

* * *

71) I don't care how pissed off you are at Batman, but mention the name "Rachel Dawes" in an effort to anger him and you will certainly wish he made an exception in you for his no-kill rule rather than leave you broken and regretting your entire existence. - Red Hood (Jason Todd)

71a) Normally, I don't condone such shocking, visceral, and brutal violence from Bruce, but even I agree with pretty much everybody that you had it coming, Guy. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

71b) Regardless of my jealousy towards her, that was the lowest possible blow you could stoop to. - Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

 _(Guy Gardner's injuries were so extensive that he was unable to carry out his duties for either the Justice League or the Green Lantern Corps and was stuck in the medical bay recuperating for a month. Not that anyone missed him, considering that it was a near-unanimous opinion that he was a complete asshole. Meanwhile, a fourth human joined the Green Lantern Corps: Kyle Rayner. To further spite Gardner, Batman and the other two Green Lanterns voted Kyle in as Guy's successor, a choice that stayed even after Guy fully recovered.)_

72) Damian, I know that you want to be part of the family. But demanding Donna, Diana, Cassie, or Artemis (the Amazon, not Wally's blonde girlfriend) for an Amazon partner for you like for me, Bruce, Tim, or Jason, isn't the way. I'll try to convince the old man to start paying more attention to you than being dark and gloomy 24/7. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

72a) I thought that his girlfriend was Linda Park, or is this something I'll understand with age? - Damian Wayne

72b) It's complicated, kid. And no, me and Donna are not lovers. I'm not making the same mistake that led to me leaving Gotham. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

72c) So, are you saying that our relationship was a mistake? - Starfire (Koriand'r/Kory Anders)

72d) No, I'm saying that the cheating on Barbara was a mistake. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

72e) At least we understand that part. - Batgirl (Barbara Gordon)

73) Damian, while you're waiting to spend quality time with Bruce, please remember to stop leading LARP (Live Action Role Playing) games in either the Watchtower, the Hall of Justice, or Mount Justice itself. I know that your dad is one of the richest men in the world, but even he doesn't pay for everything. The guys paying for our cleanup are getting sick of the antics by you and the younger superheroes. If this doesn't stop, they'll cut our budget. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

73a) We're sorry Superman. And I apologize to your younger brother, Superboy, for accidentally barging in on him and Miss Martian. I don't require "the talk". Mother already gave it to me. - Damian Wayne

73b) Oh my God. I can't get that sight out of my head. - Beast Boy (Garfield Logan)

73c) You'd better deal with it, Gar. - Raven (Rachel Roth)

74) Being a superhero is tough work, I understand. But working with Batman is no excuse for your personal problems, such as school. So Blue Beetle, Static, Firestorm, and Captain Marvel, please don't use the "Batman" excuse whenever you get an "F" on your next exam. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

 _(The irony of these rules being released the week of midterm exams is not lost on this author.)_

75) After the Suicide Squad debacle on the Watchtower, we have agreed with Amanda Waller to have a minimal quantity of super villains in any of our facilities. There were no fewer than three dozen incidents that day which include: Batman fornicating with Harley Quinn after the latter flirted with him repeatedly, much to the chagrin of Wonder Woman and Zatanna; Deadshot and Green Arrow's marksmanship contest, which destroyed several machines; Superboy getting into a near deathmatch with Killer Croc and was only saved by my niece's intervention; Harley's rather suggestive pose while destroying several Javelins with a wrecking ball, which is similar to a music video that Batman banned; Captain Boomerang nearly blowing up the commissary after getting into an argument with the Flash; etc. - Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

 _(Everyone was shocked at the amount of destruction that a handful of super villains could cause. Bruce made sure to make Waller not have Task Force X assigned with Justice League missions ever again.)_

76) Diana, I know some of us have mixed opinions of the recent Justice League movie, but complaining about there not being enough scenes of you and Bruce is rather silly, to be honest. I'm sure that the filmmakers will add more moments involving the two of you in future movies. You can't rush these things. If you can't wait, then go listen to the track "Bruce and Diana" on Danny Elfman's Justice League album. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

77) The next person to suggest a dance competition on the Watchtower, remind me to make an exception for my no-killing rule for that person. The moment Clark decided to join the Karaoke party when "Gangnam Style" was playing was the exact moment we almost fell out of orbit. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

77a) Yeah, man. The boy scout dancing, it really freaked me out. I think I dropped multiple F-bombs in fear when the Watchtower started tilting. It was terrifying. There were people running and screaming, and those trying to get their girlfriends or boyfriends out. Just, never again. Let's say that. - Kid Flash (Wally West)

78) Bruce and I thought that banning "Batman: The Killing Joke" would be enough to prevent people from talking about it, and the sex scene that made us all drop anguished F-bombs. We were wrong. Therefore, we made a rule to not mention it in front of him, Nightwing, and Batgirl (and maybe Starfire, too). - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

 _(Thankfully, people got the clue, and nothing was ever said about it again, unlike most of these rules.)_

79) Catwoman, Zatanna, and Wonder Woman, the entire Justice League knows that you have a strong love interest in Batman. That's fine. What is not fine is how enthusiastic you look when you rescue Bruce Wayne, especially in that hostage situation at Wayne Enterprises. We can't let people know that Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person. Therefore, don't look too excited in a way that will raise suspicions. - Flash (Barry Allen)

79a) At least I have an excuse, considering that I'm one of his official exes. In fact, his playboy persona started with me, sometime after he became Batman. - Zatanna

79b) I remember. The two of you were still dating when I became the first Robin. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

 _(Bruce and Zatanna started dating two weeks after the death of She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Bruce had hit the bottle, and was only saved from this form of self-destruction by going to one of Zatanna's magic stage shows. They even went to the circus where Dick Grayson's parents were murdered that night.)_

80) Okay, the bad guys figured this rule out years ago, but since we are not the bad guys, it has taken longer for us to deduce that leaving Batman alone with any super villainess is also the fastest way for him to either fornicate or make out with. Cheetah had oral sex from him (probably because that was the only way for her due to her genealogy), and he spent the rest of his shift sleeping with Poison Ivy. And all of this happened because Wally purposely left him alone with said prisoners to get even with Wonder Woman for breaking your leg months ago. Not to mention, the circumstances for that happening in the first place were your own fault. - Flash (Barry Allen)

80a) The only reason I didn't break your leg this time is because I have gotten used to Bruce's womanizing antics. I will succeed in winning his love one day, though. - Wonder Woman (Princess Diana/Diana Prince)

81) Alright, I don't know who's been doing it, but I'm tired of these rumors saying that Helena Bertinelli is my daughter. Anyone with an actual brain would be able to tell right away that that's not true, because she is way too old to be one of my illegitimate children. She was already in her late teens the first time I met her on the run in Rome. She had a crush on me, but at the time, I was still faithful to Rachel. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

82) Never bring any animals that aren't anthropomorphic onto the Watchtower, ever. Someone put a crate of monkeys in our daily shipment of supplies in a blatant effort to terrify Conner. His rampage would have massacred the poor apes if it weren't for Miss Martian calming him down. If that wasn't bad enough, my dog Krypto made a huge mess in the mess hall that we're still cleaning up, and wouldn't stop licking Batman's face. Although the latter was kind of funny. - Superman (Clark Kent/Kal-El)

83) Thankfully for everyone, we are not going to ban plants here. However, this should go without saying, but be weary whenever Swamp Thing is around. If something bad happens to the plants, well, let's just say that what happened to Guy Gardner will be nothing by comparison. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

83a) And on a related note, on the off chance that we have Poison Ivy here, she will [EXPLETIVE DELETED] destroy you if you harm any plant on the Watchtower. - Red Hood (Jason Todd)

84) I know we all enjoy music, me included, but rigging the Javelin loudspeaker on that mission in Peru to play the Wonder Woman theme song from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was just ridiculous. It's not only distracting for everyone (criminals included, thankfully), but after awhile it gets annoying. So before I decide to remove the loudspeakers altogether, I want you to stop this. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

85) If you're not going to stop asking me for dating advice, then the least you can do is to stop asking me the same questions over and over again. But I do want you to cease asking me on matters that involve romantic relationships, partially because I have enough women following me as it is. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

85a) If you want an incomplete list of Bruce's sex partners, I can give one: Rachel Dawes, Zatanna, Catwoman, Talia al Ghul (the presence of Damian Wayne is enough confirmation, obviously), Wonder Woman, Lois Lane (yes, at one point, he banged Superman's girlfriend), Vicki Vale, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Cheetah, etc. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

86) Okay, whoever is setting up these "Super Babes" restaurants in Metropolis and Gotham, please stop it. Both the female members of the League and several female villains are furious at waitresses cosplaying as Wonder Woman, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Batgirl, Starfire, Supergirl, etc. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

86a) I swear, it must be that douchebag Booster Gold and his buddy Ted Kord on one of their many get-rich-quick schemes. Supermodel-turned-waitresses cosplaying as scantily clad heroes is the biggest money printer ever! - Hawkgirl (Shayera Hol)

86b) It's not us! Even we're not this greedy to have dozens of hot chicks getting pissed at me! - Booster Gold (Michael Jon Carter)

 _(No one believed them for a week, and they got beat up. Then the girls investigated Green Arrow, but they ruled him out on how faithful he was to Dinah. Next was Wally West, but even being good buddies with Batman didn't provide enough money to set up a venture in the first place. That, and the fact that he still hadn't decided on whether he would marry Artemis, Jinx, or Linda. In reality, the masterminds were Batman and the Robins. Damian wanted to find a way for there to be more funds on recreational activities with him and his father, and the plan worked like a charm after that.)_

87) There are even more crimes against art that must be banned: The Powerpuff Girls reboot, Breadwinners, and The Emoji Movie. Do I seriously need to elaborate on them? - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

88) Whenever one of us has amnesia, the rest of us are not to take advantage of this state. The only reason that Batman was stopped from thinking he was married to Zatanna was because Wonder Woman and Catwoman barged in and... well, we're not exactly sure what happened. Or that time when Supergirl tried to make Superman her sidekick and was stopped when Superboy and Miss Martian stopped such silliness. - Flash (Barry Allen)

89) Vandal Savage and Ra's al Ghul being immortal does not give you an excuse to leave them to die. I'm looking at you, Bruce. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

89a) Okay, so I won't leave my enemy that can't die on a falling train next time to take a nap. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

90) Etrigan, we have enough bad reputation as it is without demons trying to eat rappers or artists merely for their alleged "bad rhythms". I don't like Michael Bay's movies, but I don't feel like killing him just because his movies suck. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

91) Zatanna, I can't believe that you would use your magic to see how to multiply Batman's manhood. Something tells me that the next time you were going to have sex with him that the two of you would not be the only people in the bedroom. Don't do it. - Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

91a) Says the person that tried to have both his ex and his current girlfriend join the same bed as him? - Zatanna

91b) Shots fired! Zatanna just won the internet! - Kid Flash (Wally West)

92) Okay, so creating a sexbot to recreate an exact replica of your long-deceased girlfriend was probably the most disturbing thing you've ever done, Bruce. I'm ordering you to the psychiatric ward for help immediately. Your obsession with Rachel is shockingly unhealthy, and she would rather have you let go and find love somewhere else then resort to this to bring her back to life. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

93) I have no idea why the hell we even had a super villain mastermind in any of our facilities, but we almost lost the Watchtower because someone forgot to keep guard of the Joker. *cough* Superman *cough*. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

94) Okay, whoever is taking Superman's lunch, please stop. Clark won't stop complaining about how Mrs. Kent made it special just for him. (P.S. And if you try to invoke that meme about you-know-who from Batman v Superman, in the hopes of giving me PTSD, well, you will have what Guy Gardner had coming.) - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

 _(Yes, he was referring to the situation of Martha Wayne and Martha Kent. Seriously, the odds of the World's Finest heroes having mothers with the same name. How convenient are those odds? But seriously, stop that meme. It's gotten so old now.)_

95) I'm still trying to figure out how we got an alternate version of Kara into the Watchtower, but in the meantime, I have decided to make it a rule to stop staring at Power Girl's... no! I'm not going to say it! Wally was the last person to stare at that particular area, and he almost got fried with her heat vision. *Runs off and goes cry in a corner* - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

95a) If you don't want the guys to stare at you, then maybe you should switch your costume for something a little more modest. - Supergirl (Kara Zor-El/Kara Kent)

95b) Sorry, sister. But males should learn to have better self-control instead of acting perverted 24/7. Jerks. - Power Girl (Kara Zor-El/Karen Starr)

 _(To further convince the Justice League to let her keep her standard outfit, Karen decided to go to the Watchtower the next day completely naked, and Superman reluctantly allowed her to keep the outfit, considering the alternative would be far worse.)_

96) It is no secret that many superheroines or supervillainesses possess either an infatuation or love for Batman. And of course, this has led to various conflicts of interests. Therefore, Superman and I have decided to prevent the following from going undercover with Batman if it involves a woman: Wonder Woman, Zatanna, Catwoman, Black Canary (we know that you attended classes with him at Gotham University, and there was the "Birds of Prey" single), Huntress (your teenage crush several years ago back in Rome, plus the aforementioned song), Batgirl (please do not try to revive your crush on him), Supergirl, and Power Girl (the last two, because Superman wishes for you not to succumb to any romantic feelings that you may have about him). - Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

97) I don't know who thought it was a good idea to give Batman Gardner's Green Lantern ring, but even though it was the funniest thing ever, there's a goddamn reason that Batman should never have any superpowers. We're lucky that the entire world didn't end last week. His ego went up higher than even Guy Gardner's, he was able to multiply his [EXPLETIVE DELETED] to give his lovers a more sexually satisfying experience, all of our rogues' galleries are taken care of, meaning that we were just sitting on our asses all week. When we stood up against him, we barely won the battle to restrain him! - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

98) I can't believe that Catwoman planted an engagement ring in Batman's room for one of his female partners to find. Diana and Zatanna were, at best, furious, to say the least. The Watchtower has been a free-for-all ever since 9 o'clock this morning. Most of us are either in the medical bay recovering, or hiding in their quarters in a vain attempt to escape Diana and Zatanna's wrath. Bruce, if you are onboard at this time, you either need to hide or get out of here before Diana or Zatanna find you. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

98a) And what proof do you have that I was the one who planted the ring? - Catwoman (Selina Kyle)

98b) You were playing it cool, but we know that you have an ulterior motive. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to put Diana and Zatanna under control. - Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

(Selina wasn't actually the one to put the engagement ring in Bruce's quarters. It was actually the latter, in the hopes of causing a ruckus by a jealous Amazon and a hot magician. It was also Batman's way of saying "screw you" to the rest of the League for removing his Green Lantern ring.)

99) Pink kryptonite apparently makes Superman bisexual, as he has started flirting with Batman while possessing it. Bruce is not amused, and neither will Lois when she finds out. So, we should probably confiscate it before she finds out. - Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

(Lois Lane was very pissed when she found out that Catwoman gave pink kryptonite to her husband to get back at Bruce for framing her. Remember guys, Lois Lane always finds out, just like Baskin-Robbins.)

100) Okay, who let Diana use the surveillance system to spy on Bruce while he was on an undercover assignment in Paris with Zatanna? Don't use the surveillance system to spy on certain people. That's just creepy. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

101) Dinah, don't call your boyfriend when he's on an undercover assignment. Just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he's cheating on you. This isn't Arrow, after all. - Green Lantern IV (Kyle Rayner)

101a) That's true. After all, Batman is the one to worry about. - Wonder Woman (Princess Diana/Diana Prince)

101b) Technically, he's not cheating on you, because the two of you aren't exactly in a real relationship. - Black Canary (Dinah Laurel Lance)

102) Wally, you know that the Watchtower supercomputer is not to be used to look up pornography. What Green Arrow and Black Canary do in their bedroom is their own business, not anyone else's. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

102a) Says the playboy who, along with Zatanna, sent a sex tape to B'wana Beast to [EXPLETIVE DELETED] off? - Kid Flash (Wally West)

103) We're not banning costume parties or cosplay, because we can all agree that both are [EXPLETIVE DELETED] awesome! What we are banning is everyone dressing up as the same superhero, like everyone dressing up as either Batman or Batwoman (who the hell is she? Another girlfriend of yours, Bruce?) Wally already mentioned that there was to be no more Batman voice competitions. This should extend to Bat costumes. Now the whole world is getting confused by Batman impersonators that happen to wear hockey pads. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

103a) To answer your question, Hal, Batwoman is not one of my lovers. She is Kate Kane, and also is in love with Detective Renee Montoya of the Gotham Police Department. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

104) Back when I had Guy Gardner's ring, I likely should have requested this rule. But the game of rock, paper, scissors needs to stop among the Green Lanterns on the Watchtower. Someone, I'm guessing Gardner, had added gun to the game. This proves that this "game" is becoming little more than a glorified brawl. Stop this nonsense. Now. - Batman (Bruce Wayne)

105) For all members of the Bat Family (particularly Bruce, Jason, and Damian), you guys seriously need to stop sneaking around and popping right behind civilian staff. It's an absolute [EXPLETIVE DELETED] move, and I'm sure that one of the staff almost had a heart attack. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

106) Bruce, the threesome that you had with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn was probably the craziest thing that you'd ever done. You knew that they had the hots for each other, and that they both had crushes on you. If it weren't for the sex tape, I'd say that your plan was [EXPLETIVE DELETED] genius. - Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

106a) But this isn't a rule. - Green Lantern IV (Kyle Rayner)

106b) Ignore him. He's just admiring Batman's life. We all do that sometimes. - Green Lantern II (John Stewart)

107) Trying to recreate that Quicksilver scene from X-Men: Apocalypse takes up way too many pyrotechnics, Wally. Still, props for the extreme slow-motion. - Green Lantern II (John Stewart)

* * *

 **I hoped that you guys enjoyed this set of rules. And again, thanks a bunch to Tek-Knight. I officially credit him as co-writer of The Justice League Watchtower Rules, because his contributions here were so extensive, anything less would be a disservice.**


	7. Domino5555 PSA 3

**Hello, guys. I know that you didn't expect a third PSA so soon, and I know that more than a few of you were disappointed in how I overused playboy Batman, and I'm also disappointed in myself for overemphasizing his womanizing traits. That's why I'm going to-**

 **[Bat-Mite comes in]**

 **Bat-Mite: Correction, we're going to fix that.**

 **Bat-Mite? How the hell did you get in here?**

 **Bat-Mite: You wrote me in here.**

 **Oh, that's right. Anyway, Bat-Mite will use his reality warping powers to retcon the more scandalous parts involving Batman in the story, so that none of us will ever speak about this again.**

 **Bat-Mite: That's all folks!**


	8. Domino5555 PSA 4

Guys, I wanted to tell you that I am going to release a Valentine's Day fanfic on the 14th of February. I'm trying to decide whether I should have it as just a double date with Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and Lois Lane, or to have like an anthology with multiple couples. I'm also trying to figure out whether or not it should take place in the Watchtower Rules universe. Please give me your ideas. I love you guys for your support, and I take your feedback into account.


	9. Domino5555 PSA 5

**Hey guys, happy Valentine's Day, and I told you some weeks ago that I would release an anthology Valentine's Day fic, and that promise has been kept. Check it out if you want, plus there's an update regarding The Justice League Watchtower Rules in that fic.**


	10. Final PSA

Hey, guys. Domino555 here. I'm back after, oh my God, that many months... Anyways, I've got some good news, bad news, and great news.

Good news is that today is the tenth anniversary of the series premiere of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, one of my favorite shows. And yes, I am excited about #CloneWarsSaved, so you don't need to ask, because I just answered.

Bad news is that I am now ending the Watchtower Rules. I don't think I need to recap on how I was disappointed in my work on my last rule set, and after many months of thinking, I decided that I am no longer working on it.

Great news, however, is that I am currently working on a new story that is a sort of broad strokes sequel that is closer to comedy-drama than just comedy. It's just barely related, but even if you've read my previous DC work, you will still be confused as hell, because much of the material is based on stuff that's not even released yet. Fortunately, I will provide plenty of background information and flashbacks within the story. Anyway, here's an excerpt in screenplay form:

 **KID FLASH (WALLY WEST)**

Goddammit, M'gann! How many times do I have to tell you to get out of my head, let alone telling people my thoughts? By this point, I'm positive that you and Conner are purposefully [EXPLETIVE DELETED]-blocking me. Now, Linda's pissed off because you were reading my thoughts on how love leads to stupid things. How am I supposed to hold off getting laid for the next week?

 **RED ARROW (ROY HARPER)**

That's your biggest concern right now? Getting laid, instead of like, I don't know, the end of the world?

 **KID FLASH (WALLY WEST)**

Yes, Roy. That is my biggest concern right now. If the world really is going to end, then I'd rather spend my last moments as a lover instead of a fighter. Go out with a bang. Bow-chicka-bo-

[Roy interrupts him by raising his bow at him.]

 **RED ARROW (ROY HARPER)**

Wally, I almost hate having to do this to you.

 **KID FLASH (WALLY WEST)**

You wouldn't.

 **RED ARROW (ROY HARPER)**

Yeah, I would. You know I still haven't forgiven you for sleeping with my sister, let alone cheating on her.

 **KID FLASH (WALLY WEST)**

At least I'm not the junkie who accidentally gave his girlfriend a black eye.

 **RED ARROW (ROY HARPER)**

You bring up what happened to Donna one more time, and I swear to God that the other half of that face is burning off.

 **KID FLASH (WALLY WEST)**

Go ahead. You'll still be closer to Two-Face Jr than I'll ever be.

 **RED ARROW (ROY HARPER)**

Alright. That's it. I've had it!

 **KID FLASH (WALLY WEST)**

Bring it!

[Cut to Terry's POV as Wally and Roy argue violently, yet are silenced, thanks to Terry's muting software on his Batsuit.]

 **BATMAN BEYOND (TERRY MCGINNIS)**

[Silently, but subtitles should be visible] Oh my [EXPLETIVE DELETED] God. I can't believe that I actually went back in time to save these morons.

[Jason is able to read what Terry is saying, but is unable to communicate in such a way, since his mask renders it difficult to read what he is saying. Jason was able to determine that Terry muted them.]

[Scene is no longer silent as Wally and Roy are throwing too many insults to write here.]


End file.
